Gilbert Moms vs. Salt Lake Moms

Though we are living in the shadow of the Salt Lake temple, this area is dominated by what I call the "Millcreek Mom." After careful observation at the tennis court, library, Gateway mall and other places, I have come up with a good description of what makes a "Millcreek Mom" and how they compare to the moms of Gilbert, AZ.

Gilbert Mom:
Wears Roxy clothing, but has never touched a surfboard
Millcreek Mom:
Wears rock-climbing clothes (Columbia, Patagonia, REI, etc.), has never touched a rock-face

Gilbert Mom:
Carries an expensive satchel as a diaper bag
Millcreek Mom:
Names child "Satchel"

GM:
Buys $40 nursing apron so she can look great in mothers' lounge at church for 5 minutes
MM:
Is 40 and nursing 5 year-old

GM:
Has a little bulge around belly button from having 4 babies in 4 years
MM:
Has two bulges on either side of belly button from not having worn bra in 4 years

GM:
Has never met a lesbian
MM:
Used to be a lesbian

GM:
Buys expensive Swarovski crystal-encrusted barrettes for child's hair
MM:
Never brushes child's hair

GM:
Drives Suburban like a bat out of hell
MM:
Thinks people that don't drive Volvos are going to hell (ie Mormon women)

GM:
Carries water bottles to combat summer heat
MM:
Packs around coffee in special thermos to maintain heat